Chapter 17 – Maria

Here we are again. Waiting on baby “L” to be born! Afterwards though I’m really not sure. I need to find another baby daddy to work on. Most of the town hates Elvira though. HA!

I just met a girl named Maria
And suddenly that name
Will never be the same. -West Side Story, Maria.

For those who may not have read the previous chapter this gnome’s first choice of name was Maria. Yeah. That about sums that up.

The next daddy is likely to be Big Hartly. He’s the next guy on the list who doesn’t loathe Elvira. Most guys in town now have their relationship bar so red it’s like staring at Mars. I’ve been avoiding him though. I wanted his son who always leaves every single time Elvira would come on the lot to give Big a makeover. And that was very frequently. Big called her over for makeovers more than any sim.

Big: “Hehe, that’s right. And now I’m at her house, gonna get me some of that sweet ass.”

You do know she’s been with half the town? And you’ve actually been trying to sleep with her? Have some standards man!

Big: “I’m old. I don’t have time for your silly standards!”

Touché. But then maybe it actually has something to do with the fact that as soon as you stepped out of the car you farted, burped and grinned. When you got to the door you burped and laughed after ringing the bell?

Big: “Don’t you talk back to me young missy!”

Oh please. I’m older than you. :p

Easily impressed. Hmm, that might have something to do with it as well.

What? I guess I don’t know that song. WTF?

Icarus got an opportunity to improve his grades by becoming best friends with this kid. Must be the teacher’s kid.

Icaraus: “She said if I just invite him over she’ll give me an A and I don’t even have to do homework. It was pretty dumb though, since I already have an A.”

And you’re becoming a teen soon. Go figure.

It was at this point though, with Iedola marching around behind Icarus, that I got a brilliant idea. Maybe more like a sick idea but still…. I can use the IFs as baby daddies! Not Iedola of course because she’s a girl, but it’s perfect. They’re all randomly generated anyway! And they won’t loathe Elvira, AND I can work on relationships from the same household.

>,< I feel so filthy even thinking it though. I blame Sebastian. He’s FILTHED US UP FOREVER!

It also seems like I forgot to get childhood pics of Icarus and Jory, so here they are. Surely I got their derp faces at least? I can’t even recall. Icarus is adorable. Jory is… unique. I like her a lot though.

Why are your eyebrows a darker blonde than your hair Hazel?

Hazel: “Why haven’t I gotten to visit Hesper yet?!”

Because! I keep checking and she and Adam are never home! I think, since we’ve run into Adam at so many parties, he must just attend parties all the time, and so he’s dragged Hesper along!

Hazel: “This is not fair!”

Shut up teenager.

Go drinking at the bar instead. Why not? We’ve already hit a new low with the kids from father and son, and then the IF idea. Besides that mixologist has interesting genes. Chat him up for your mother!

Hazel: “Eww!”

I knew it! You do party every freaking night don’t you?! I found you at another party Elvira was invited to!

Adam: “So what? What I do on my own time is none of your business.”

We also find something else of interest upon arriving to Sebastian’s party. He is apparently quite upset. Your baby hasn’t been born yet. That date with Big could hardly be considered a date!

Sebastian: “I can’t believe you would go on a date with another man while you’re still carrying my baby! How could you! I thought we were special! I mean sure, you have a kid with my father too but that was in the past!”

Elvira: “Hold on I can explain!”

Sebastian: “No! I don’t want to hear it!”

Elvira: “But… ‘No Jealousy’ reward… ?”

I don’t get it either. Freaking celebrity bullshit. They really need to patch this. Why get the no jealousy reward at all if this is going to happen anyway?!

Elvira: “You’re here, I’m here… we make the woohoos now?”

I can hardly blame him of course. /facepalm

Sebastian: “Are you out of your mind?! I hate you now!”

Elvira: “Whoah! Scary guy! I think I need to go get a spa treatment after this.”

I wonder if this plays into it at all.

Elvira: “Geez what a freaking baby. So I flirted with an old guy and I’m pregnant. Like that’s never happened before. He knew what he was getting into.”

He certainly did. And it certainly has. Tramp.

Two bathrooms in the house and this is still happening!

Hazel: “I was taking a shower you disgusting twerp! UGH! DAAAADD! This is why I said we need LOCKS on the bathroom doors!”

Icarus: “Gross! And I still really have to go!”

THERE’S A BATHROOM RIGHT BY YOUR BED ICARUS!

Oh look that guy from Egypt is back in town and actually accepted our invitation to come over even though he barely knows us!

Elvira is having the baby! Get her to the hospital!

…… crap.

And so baby “L” is born a girl, whom we name Lachesis for one of the Greek Fates. She got the Brave and Friendly traits. I wasn’t allowed to try for them at all. Probably that traumatic experience with Sebastian that sent Elvira over the edge. Either way lets pick a father for baby “M”!

Icarus: “Where did that little boy I was just talking to go?”

Kekeke, Icarus grew up.

He’s really handsome, at least I think so. I even got to choose his trait. I rolled and he got Evil but when I think of him I think, not of Greek Icarus so much, but of Kid Icarus from the old Nintendo game named for Greek Icarus,. Kid Icarus, and Greek Icarus for that matter, weren’t evil. So I randomized until I got something I could deal with; which I forget and is not showing up in his panel. In fact my game started to act really trippy right about now.

I, of course, also wanted to put those new Valentine’s wings on him that is free in the store for this year but can’t find them. I guess they’re adult only? 😦

I had thought her face had looked a little chubby but I thought I was seeing things. Still, how did she become thinner? Are we starving her?

Icarus still hasn’t gotten his fourth trait and I blame freaking Iedola. She grew up and glitched up my whole freaking game. Icarus is upset too.

Icarus: “Why are we making her real? *sniff* She messed up my life! Now I have less personality than everyone else. *sniffle*”

But that’s not true even without traits Icarus! You have lots of personality and you are one of my favorites. We’re growing her up because I’m a curious kitty.

Iedola: “Muahahaha! They have fallen into my trap!”

Yeah whatever. Iedola is an evil coward who is athletic and a green thumb. A type of Poison Ivy via Batman? I dunno. She had four traits and Icarus only has two, so I hate her. She is unworthy of the wicked cool name I gave her. We are sending her away now.

Iedola: “What?! But.. the world is so scary and new!”

Get used to it. /boots

Iedola: “Hahaha! I don’t think so!”

WTF?! She isn’t select-able to blow out candles! You little asshole!

Lachesis grew up and got another IF. I’m not going to pick gender on this one. I’m just going to let it be a total surprise. I like surprises.

Electrocute her! FRY HER UP!

Iedola: “I can hear you, you know.”

So? I’m getting you out of here one way or another. This would just be most fun.

Haha! It worked! Grew you up and out you go! She got the “Great Kisser” trait so I thought, coupled with her evil trait, there was only one appropriate life time goal.

See ya Iedola, and good luck with that. :p

Gorilla dog! I see you hiding in our bushes!

I had no idea the kids in this game could do this! They couldn’t do it at all in sims 2, and since, for some reason, EA thinks they’re even too ignorant to learn to ride horses well, I just assumed. *glares about the horses*

So, I now have seven people in the house. I’ll never even get the chance at twins at this rate and I need at least one pair. So things are about to get quiet while I play enough to satisfy Hazel’s teen years so I can kick her out!

Elvira: “You know that is not the right look for me, err you. Down there, it’s just so… well, I’m an expert, let me help you.”

Zaher: “You were right! Oh my! Look at me now! I’m so excited I’m tingling! Oh, I must eat my shirt! NONOMNOM!”

And he promptly left after being there 5 minutes AND Elvira did not get credit for her wish to give him fashion advice. Perhaps because that wasn’t exactly the advice she gave? Even the game knows it by now. HA!

Hazel just had to know.

Keiji: “Remove your filthy had. I don’t even want to bite it.”

Hazel: “HOMAHGOD! He’s growing up!”

Bronson: “I’m missing it because no one else takes care of the toddlers and Lachesis needs changing. Don’t you dare let her use this against me.”

Keiji: “I feel so… strange.”

That’s just the derp. Don’t fight it, it will take you into a new age.

A new age of… feminine cheek bones?

Keiji: “I am being mocked.”

No! Of course not! Damn perceptive sims.

Yay! Daphne called us for a style session!

Elvira: “You are going to look so HAWT in the bikini I’m going to give you!”

Daphne: “UGH! I forgot it was you who did the house calls…”

Yay! Olsen! We get to style him for the party of the year, woot!

Olsen: “Oh my girlfriend is here to give me a new style! *squeee* I’m so excited!”

Zak: “How did you ever father a child when you’re so obviously-”

Olsen: “Cool and stylish? I know! But babies were the thing that season!”

Zak: “And where is she now?”

Olsen: “Oh she has some imaginary friend or something in some place in the city. I heard he’s an up and coming party fiend! Oh! So exciting!”

Zak: “….”

Olsen: “Move out of the way grandpa! My new party style awaits!”

Sully: “Just a sec- *wheeze* -cond there. I’m going outside to accuse this harlot of cheating. We had relations 50 years ago and now she’s seeing someone else. She was living with another man at the time but I’m only angry about it now by cracky!”

Olsen: “Elivra, honey, I am so excited for my new style! But this old fart refuses to let it go. Cheating or something pfft.”

Elvira: “Don’t worry Olsen, just let me stretch before I get started with him. Happens all the time. No jealousy reward doesn’t mean a DAMN thing apparently.”

Olsen: “Now that that’s over. Wait, what does he want now?!”

Elvira: “To reject me apparently?”

Olsen: “Ugh sugar I love you but I am running out of time for this! Old man get it out of your system!”

Elvira: “NOW we can-”

Olsen: “*yaawwn* Oh is he done? Ok great so what I was thinking was-”

Sully: “I’M NOT DONE YET! I WANNA SLAP YOU NOW!”

Elvira & Olsen: *grooaaan*

Fuck, Sully! You guys were together what… 3 months ago in REAL time? And she’s NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE JEALOUSY TROUBLE!!!

Sully: “She broke my heart!”

OH MY GOD! EA!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!

Olsen: “I can has makeover now?”

Elvira: “Babies. MOAR!”

omg… this is way more painful than it needed to be.

Finally! And that is definitely something he would wear.

Olsen: “I look fabulous! Now that we’re done with this you simply must come to my party! That’s right, I’M throwing the party of the year!”

Oh Olsen, you are too awesome for words.

And who do we find at Olsen’s party, Hesper! I knew she and Adam were never home because they’re both always out partying! Adam is a bad influence! D:

Hesper: “Of course I’m here. This is the party of the year, duh!”

Oh right! Jory’s birthday!

Jory: *sigh*

Anyway, she looks… interesting. I got to choose so we rolled and she is now an artistic, over-emotional, childish genius. Wow.

Bronson: “Listen, Jory, I know things around here are difficult and the creator forgot your birthday but you are still a fantastic sim. Don’t forget that.”

Jory: “Thank you dad!”

Aww Bronson came over to praise her all on his own. And I did forget, even though I kept checking her life bar daily. >,<

I think we’d better end this here. Next time maybe one of these blasted teens will move out and make way for more babies!